A Lawyer's Christmas
Whereas, on or about the night immediately preceding Christmas Day, there
did occur at a certain improved piece of residential real property
(hereinafter referred to as "the House"), a general lack of stirring by all
creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, (e.g. stockings, socks, etc.), had been affixed
by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St.
Nick a/k/a Saint Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (hereinafter referred to as
"Clause") would arrive at some time thereafter.
The minor residents, (i.e. the children), of the aforementioned House were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, (i.e. dreams), wherein visions of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts, and/or sugar plums, did dance,
cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the par! ty of the first part (hereinafter referred to as "I"),
being the joint owner of said House in fee simple as joint tenants with full
rights of survivorship, and not as tenants in common, with the party of the
second part (hereinafter referred to as "Mama"), had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. At such time both parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, (e.g. kerchief and cap).
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House (hereinafter
referred to as the "lawn"), a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause
and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a
window in the House to investigate and determine the cause of said
At that time the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter referred to as the
"Vehicle"), being pulled an! d/or drawn at a rapid velocity through the air by
approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be
and in fact was the previously referenced Clause.
Said Clause was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to
the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name, to-wit: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter referred to as "the Deer"). Upon
further information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional
co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may or may not have been involved.
The party of the first part witnessed Clause, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
origin or nature. Suddenly, and without prior invitation or permission,
either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House and Clause did
enter said House via the chimney.
Said Clause was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion
of the aforementioned toys, packages and other unknown items. He was smoking
what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe (in probable violation of local
ordinances and health regulations).
Clause did not converse, speak or otherwise attempt to communicate, but
immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung
adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other assorted gifts. Said items did
not however constitute "gifts" to said minors pursuant to applicable
provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.
Upon completion of the aforementioned activity, Clause touched the side of
his nose and flew, rose, levitated and/or ascended up the chimn! ey of the
House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts". Clause then proceeded to assume control of said Vehicle,
whistled to the Deer and they immediately departed for an unknown
However, prior to departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Clause from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Clause state and/or exclaim, "Happy
Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!" or words to that effect.
Submitted by Anne S.