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Who Said They Talk Funny in the South - 5 Quickies

Tennessee*

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice discounted by 14% - he just couldn't convert the "percent" to "dollars", so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical assistance.

He called her into his office and said, "Look here, Sue-Anne, Y'all graduated from the University of Tennessee, racht? Naow, I need some help hyar;

"If'n I was to give y'all $20,000, minus 14% - then exactly how much would you take off?"

The lady thought for a moment, and then replied,

"Ever thang but'n my earrings!"

*********************************************************************
*Alabama:*

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked. Dumping the prime buck on the ground and wiping his forehead, Bubba said:"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail, daider'n a doornail!"

"You left Henry laying out there and instead, carried this deer back here?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's agonna steal Henry!"

*********************************************************************
*Louisiana:*

A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying...
"Man! When the end of the world finally comes, I shore hope to be in Louisiana."

When asked why, he replied that he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

****************************************************************

*Georgia:*

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75 carry'n a good 'ole boy go'n 'bout eighty.

Leaning in the window the trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

"Bout whut?" the driver replied.

****************************************************************
* North Carolina*

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, so he pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back and asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I done gott'n a flat tar."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down longside the highway, they alus tells you to:

"put flares in the front" an' "flares in the back".

"I never did understand it neither. But I done it jes lak yore sposed to...."

Submitted by our Yankee Pal in JAX - John V.
 






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