Strange "Standard Disclaimer"
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Apply only to affected area. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. At participating locations only. As seen on TV. Action figures sold separately. Add toner. All rights reserved. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. An equal opportunity web page. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Batteries not included. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Call toll free before digging. Closed-captioned for the hearing impaired. Caution. Coffee is very hot. Do not attempt to drive and drink at the same time. We will not settle out of court for a million dollars if you are an idiot and spill coffee on yourself and then sue us. We will counter-sue. And we will win. Because we are McDonalds, damnit, and we are an American staple. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. No manatees, small fur-bearing animals or trees were harmed in the production of this page. Only organically-grown electrons were used. Any similarity to person or persons living or dead is purely coincidental and insufficient grounds for legal prosecution. Stiff penalties for early withdrawal. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. The material on this page may be offensive and frightening to small children, the faint of heart, overly religious individuals, uptight individuals, democrats, Haitians, Mormons, Lesbians, Animal lovers, the socially retarded, carnival workers and adult film stars, please use caution when operating. Studies have shown viewing this page causes cancer in laboratory rats. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. All models over 18 years of age. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.) Do not disturb. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball! Do not try this at home. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Do not write below this line. This is for entertainment purposes ONLY! Any advice given should be taken with a MAJOR grain of salt. I am not responsible for anything that may happen from using this problem solving system. I am not a professional, I have no training, I'm not even particularly good at handling my own relationships. So this is really just a joke. Don't believe everything that you read. Your mileage may vary. Each dealer negotiates its own prices. Please keep your hands in the car at all times. Do not tap on glass. Do not eat anything that has been on the floor for more than 10 seconds. Power tools are not an effective cure for headaches. If this were an actual emergency, this broadcast would be followed by official information and instructions. Keep your hands to yourself. Do not point. Please do not feed the animals. High Voltage, keep out! Contents under pressure, may explode. Not to be taken internally. Wait at least 1/2 hour after eating before using this. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Pre-recorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary.
This notice supersedes all previous notices.
Submitted by Brian J.