The Strange Maryland Dialect
The Strange Maryland Dialect
The Merlin (Maryland) Dialect is spoken by a mixed population which inhabits a triangular area on the western littoral of the Chesapeake Bay, bounded roughly by a line commencing at Towson's Toyota, then westward to Frederick Mall, thence following the western border of the cable TV franchise and the string of McDonalds' along Route 50 to the Bay. All of these lands and the natives thereof are known as the Land of Merlin.
The Land of Merlin is divided further into semi-tribal areas called Cannies "COUNTIES" (e.g., Ballmer Canny, PeeJee Canny, Hard Canny, etc.). The dialect area is centered on a market center called Glimburny, where the people come on weekends to trade their goods. Because of the numerous words and phrases common to both Merlin Dialect and modern English, linguists have long postulated that there is some kinship between the two.
Speakers of Merlin Dialect are all able to understand standard English from babyhood, chiefly because of their voracious appetite for television. However, they invariably refuse to speak standard English, even with outsiders who obviously do not understand a word they say.
Lesson 1. Pronunciation Drill - Listen and Repeat:
Ball Tee More = The City of Baltimore, more commonly known as Balmer, or Baw Duh More
Merlin = Our State
Balmorese = What we're speaking here in our State of Merlin
Allanic = an ocean
Am B'Lance = Takes sick/hurt people to the hospital
Arn = What you do to wrinkled clothes
Arnjuice = from the sunshine tree
Arouwn in all directions = norf, souf, ees, and wess
Aspern = what you take for headaches
Bald = some people like their eggs this way
Bawler = what the plumber calls your furnace
Beeno = a famous railroad
Beero = Bureau (as in FBI or dresser)
Brawl = Broil
Bulled Egg = An egg cooked in water
Calf Lick = bleevers are Protestant, Jewish, and ...
Canny = a state gubmit division, such as Anne Arundel or Prince George's
Chest Peak = A large nearby body of water
Chimley = Structure that Santa comes down
Colleyflare = A white vegetable
Crick = Where the warter runs
Downey Owe Shin = Summertime vacation destination of Ocean City, also known as Ayshun City ("Down to the ocean")
Droodle Pork = Druid Hill Park
Drooslem = city in the Holy Land
Duddeney = yes, he does, duddeney?
Elfin = Large pachyderm at zoo
Err = a time measurement of 60 minutes
Excape = Escape
Faren Gins = Red trucks that put out fires
Far place = requires wood
Fard = area between the eyes and the hairline
Farmin = the people who fight fars
Flares = Tulips, roses, daisies, etc...
Ford = opposite of backward
Hairacane = Hurricane
Hi Hon! = How we always say "hello"
Holluntown = Highland Town
Idnit = it is, idnit?
Ignernt = ignorant
Klumya = Rouse's new city (Columbia)
Meer = what you look at in the morning
Munlaw = married to your fodlaw
Nap Lis = State of Merlin capital, Annapolis
Norf Abnew = North Avenue
Numb = a conjunctive 1st person pronoun: "Aw've bin workin six errors numb tarred."
Ole Bay = What our crabs taste like
Oreos = Not a cookie, but our baseball team
Paramore = Power mower
Payment = That strip of cement that you walk on
Pitcher = Picture
Plooshin = let's get it out of the Che! aspeake
PohLeese = Those guys in uniform that git ya when you're speeding
Sarn = what a pleece car or Farn Gin makes noise with
Sem Lem = Seven Eleven Convenience Store
Share = Hot water that cleans you in the morning
Slong = "good-bye"
Sore = drainage under the street
Spearmint = experiment
Star Phone = Styrofoam
Tarnado = Tornado
Tarred = What happens when you work too hard
Telly Phone = Telephone
Warsh = What we do with dirty clothes
Warshnin = our nation's capital
Warter = The clear liquid we drink, also known as Wooter
Winders = Those glass things that we look out of
Wooder = what you wrench your hands with
Yerp = Europe
Youz = you all
Zinc = where you wrench your hands or warsh your dishes