What's the difference between God and an architect?
God knows He's a great architect. An architect knows he's greater than God.
Contractor: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal!
Bid Opening: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Architect's Estimate: The cost of construction in Heaven.
Project Manager: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method: A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date: The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Prime Murder Suspect on the Construction Site
A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.
The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.
The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.
The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.
The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.
The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.
The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.