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Ode to Spell Checker

Very clever!

"Ode to the Spell Checker"

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

Rec'd 7-31-05 after we featured a version on our twice weekly e-letter - Vol 4-3

Dear StrangeCosmos

You folks are pretty good about giving credit to people who submit items to StrangeCosmos.com. But I just received "Vol 403 - July. 31, 2005 - Ode to the Spell Checker" the featured item ("Ode to a Spell Checker") does not indicate the author. I would like to point out that I wrote this poem it in 1992 and it has been published (twice; see below).

A great many of the Internet postings (such as yours) have shortened or otherwise mutilated the poem, and many of them attribute its creation to "Anonymous" or make no attempt at giving credit. "Owed to a Spelling Checker" is a cute title sometimes seen, but not the one I gave it. The poem has also been mentioned in the July 2004 Reader's Digest.

Here is the original, authentic, correct version as I published it.

---Jerry Zar

------------------------------------------------------------

CANDIDATE FOR A PULLET SURPRISE

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker's
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.

Jerrold H. Zar
The Graduate School
Northern Illinois University
DeKalb, IL 60115-2864
jhzar@niu.edu
(Current mailing address: Department of Biological Sciences, same university)

Title suggested by Pamela Brown.
Based on opening lines suggested by Mark Eckman.
By the author's count, 127 of the 225 words of the poem are incorrect (although all words are correctly spelled).

Published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, January/February 1994, page 13.
Reprinted ("by popular demand") in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol. 45, No. 5/6, 2000, page 20.
Journal of Irreproducible Results (new location, 2004): Norman Sperling, Publisher, 413 Poinsettia Ave., San Mateo CA, 94403. Phone: 650-573-7125. E-mail: nsperling@california.com Web site: www.jir.com
 






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