Chickens in the IT World
Parrallel processing chicken:
Throws parts of the chicken across the road at blinding speed which (hopefully) unifies into the same chicken at the other side.
Backface culling chicken:
Only sends the half of the chicken you're looking at across.
Commodore Amiga chicken:
So many people were fighting over who wanted to cross the road with the chicken, the chicken got old and died - but they're still fighting over the carcass.
Silicon Graphics chicken:
Has specialised legs for road crossing, aerodynamic feathers for low altitude air pressure, and a funky design.
Specially bred for crossing roads at increadible speed, yet still affordable, however roads need to be specially designed for it... so its still waiting.
Please move the sprite called aliveChicken across the sprite(bigRoad)
if the aliveChicken is under sprite(movingCar) then
Please show the sprite called deadChicken
Optical fibre chicken:
Crosses the road at light speed but the recipient at the other side is charged 25 cents per megabyte of chicken.
MacOS 8 (Rhapsody) chicken:
First we split up the chicken into componants. Then, when YOU'RE at the other side of the road, you just holler out for which parts of the chicken you need at the time. You use it, and when you're done, just throw it back!
You never needed the whole chicken anyway!
First we put special protective layers on the road. Then we pave ANOTHER road on top of it which looks like a highway. Any chicken (and associated hardware) can cross this road with the greatest of ease, however...even though it LOOKS just like a real road, cars slow down so much they're useless.
Apple Internet Router chicken:
an infinite number of chickens keep crossing a road in the middle of a dark void, but every once in a while the road moves and the chickens vanish into space.
Intel Pentium chicken:
The chicken becomes deformed whilst crossing the road if you tell it to cross a certain way.
Microsoft Office chicken:
Its so fat it takes up the whole road already!
Apple Powerbook5200 chicken:
Its gibblets are liable to catch on fire for no reason whilst crossing the road.
Commodore 64E chicken:
Its gibblets are liable to explode for no apparent reason before it even gets to the road.
AppleVision 1710 Multisync chicken:
Goes to sleep whilst crossing the road and never wakes up again.
The chicken sets a trap for all oncoming vehicles and watches them crash and burn whilst it slowly strutts across the road and hurls abuse at the injured victims.
Raster interupt chicken:
Next time I see this chicken it better be on the other bloody side... OK?
Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken:
You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.
Microsoft Chicken (TM):
It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
First it builds the road ...
It crosses the road without looking both ways.
The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.
It crosses the road after it ensures the road is the same type to other roads it has previously crossed.
The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)
Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket !
Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
Quantum Logic Chicken:
The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.
Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do !
No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
Al Gore Chicken:
Waiting for completion of NCI (National Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
Spawns chicks that cross the road for it.
No chicken will ever need to go to the other side of the road.
Windows 3.1 chicken:
Tells everybody how good it's going to be on the other side and then crashes whilst blindly running across.
First of all, this is not a chicken fix (however, it doesn't offer new functionality).
As everyone agrees, the ADA chicken is the best of all, but there are still issues.
(The unified way to model (and implement) chickens will be agreed upon by the OMG in the near future anyway).
True, C(++) chickens are the fastest highlevel chickens to cross the road (assembled ones are still faster), but as we all know, runtime efficiency is only one thing.
So Here is where the SMALLTALK chicken comes in: it will be the one who lays the first egg, with the shortest time to breed. The problem is that (as there is no checking) one can never be sure that it is actually an egg that gets laid. This issue occurs also with LISP chickens, but at least one can be sure that the chicken is fully functional. Note that both SMALLTALK and LISP ckickens come with garbage collection (which is very appreciated by the environmental lobby).
The JAVA chicken seems to be the chicken of the future. It will cross on any road, without recompilation (but runtime efficiency may still be low).
And since these chickens run on a virtual road not being allowed to directly access the real road, they are considerably safer than an ActiveX chicken, the last even being able to crash the truck, but after all who cares, the autentication program will allow you to track who actually programmed the chicken (but still your truck is lost!).
But the most _reviving_ chickens seems to be the COBOL chickens: everyone is working hard so that these chickens are still able to cross the road after the year 2K.
All these chickens come without any WARRANTY. (Anyway, most chickens are paid for, but never delivered).
You actually forgot the Eiffel chicken. It's fairly easy to require that the Eiffel chicken can't cross the road when there are trucks on the roads and to ensure that the chicken will arrive safely on the other side of the road. It's also invariant that there can't be dead chickens on the road.
The big disadvantage however, if you improve your roads, it will take days before your chicken will be able to walk on those new roads.
This of course requires that possible trucks on the road are visible from the scope of the chicken. And that the state of the road doesn't change during the actual crossing. (I doubt crossing a road can be considered atomic, instantaneous and complete, but possibly we could put a lock on the access to the road. Mutually exclusive access to the road considerably improves the safety of the road, but reduces thoughput.)
Do your chickens whatever way you want, as long as they cross the road with at least 30 frames per second.