New State Mottos
Like the third world, but closer.
Don't tell MS, but we're ALL sportin' boners right now!
Because SC is a Little Too Progressive for Some of Us
Keeping it in the family since 1819.
Colder Than a Witch's Tit -- and Prettier, Too!
Yeah, but it's a dry cold.
We Get to Kill Whales and You Don't!
We're cold and lonely: LET US HAVE OUR POT BACK!
The Pacific Coast State!
Oh, crap. I guess now WE'RE gonna need a new motto, too.
Honest, we were just try'n to get that sheep back over the fence.
Attention, K-Mart Shoppers!
Caution: Large Fake Breasts On Board!
With Satan, too, all things are possible -- and way more fun!
What the hell's up with VT???
Silicon Valley in the North, Silicone Hills in the South!
Now 100% John Denver free!
The "C" is Silent, Casshole!
Half a Million Cubans Can't All Be Wrong
Hey you kids, get off of my state!
We make the US look like it's pissing on Cuba.
So close, you can smell Fidel.
The Phallic Symbol State
More than just a great place to die.
Now With 25% More Cubans!
Where the 3 R's are for Rednecks, Retirees and Raft Arrivals
With Elian gone and Spring Break over, we're once again safe for Grandma.
Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... and we'll send 'em back to you free of charge!
Come See Your Grandparents Before They Die
Why Does Everybody Think Putting Ham and Pineapple on Something Makes it "Hawaiian"?
You Can Be Da Ho Next!
Get Your Whites Their Whitest!
Cogito ergo spud: I think, therefore I yam.
Stop pronouncing the "S", or we're gonna kick your ass!
The "I See Dead Voters" State
Dan Quayle's Favorite Country!
Where EVERY year is 1957.
Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk
Our Trees Bend North Because Minnesota Sucks.
We aren't all that crazy about Newton and his "gravity", either.
More hills than Nebraska!
Come for the Bluegrass -- Stay for the Incest!
Shallowest gene pool in the Union
We've Heard ALL the Hillbilly Jokes, So Don't Even Bother.
Now with 30% fewer Kennedys!
It's not just cold. It's ass-biting cold.
Auto strikes, disgruntled postal workers, and a surplus of Canadians, oh my!
Forget Detroit, it's actually part of Canada.
First Line of Defense Against the Canadians
Those guys in Fargo lived in ND, okay?
We're Hard-on Crime
Foiling Spelling Bees for over 150 years
Keeping Louisiana from being last in *every* quality of life category.
Don't even *think* about it, Chester!
Missouri Loves Company
One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all. Unless, of course, you don't believe in that sort of thing, in which case you can find a patch of land, build and arsenol, write a manefesto and start your own damned government.
Anti-Government-Isolationist-Compound Conventions Welcome!
Now with 50% fewer radical dissidents.
The "N" is for "Knowledge!"
You're Not in Kansas Anymore!
Come for the beaches. Stay for the gambling, crack and hookers.
Home of Jimmy Hoffa's grave... somewhere.
Hey, Quit Laughing!!
All those chemical waste sites and Trump's Taj Mahal, too!
The Go F#@$% Yourself State
New Safe Version -- Now With 30% Fewer Murders!
Just try to spend more for gas!
Come for the skyline, stay because you were mugged and don't have money for a taxi to the airport.
Sure, we've got weird, blue-skinned, inbred mountain dwellers, but at least we don't still fly the confederate flag!
Last one to leave, turn out the light.
You probably don't want to visit any more than we want to live here.
We're Full of Inbreds, Too -- We Just Have a Better PR Firm.
It's more than just "hello" in Japanese.
With God, All Things Are Possible -- and a little hush money to the Supreme Court doesn't hurt, either
In God We Trust (C'mon -- we dare you to strike *this* one down!)
With an omnipotent universal supreme being of undetermined gender which may or may not exist, all things are technically possible!
With God, all things except keeping our state motto are possible.
We're like the Canada of TX!
Oklahoma: Named After an Indian Tribe We Slaughtered
Home of quality babes like Tonya Harding and Monica Lewinski.
With goats, all things are possible.
Small? Yes, But We Know What To Do With It
Yes, we know what a "peninsula" is.
Oh, yeah -- like *we're* going to be concerned about an NAACP tourism boycott.
Ya don't think removin' that flag changes nothin', do ya, boy?
If at first you don't secede: try, try again.
The OTHER white state.
Hello? Can anyone hear me? Hey! Over here!
The Darwin State
Established in 1796 by Al Gore
We Let America See Our Bush!
The Criminal's Lethal Injection Connection
We Kill 'em So YOU Don't Have To
We put the "Ex" in "execution"!
Better Behave, or We'll Fry Your Ass
With your father as ex-president, all things are possible.
Because somebody has to make Virginia look good.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The State of Brotherly and Sisterly Love
Oh, honestly, people. We have a world-class orchestra. We have a university. We... hey, Joe-Bob, pass me the chewin' tobakky, willya?
Now open 7 days a week.
Michael Jackson is *almost* white enough to live here now.
With OUR God, all things are possible.
It really sucked giving up multiple wives.
Putting the "white" in "red, white, and blue."
We don't care who you marry, as long as we get the license fee.
Contrary to our name, our women are actually pretty slutty!
Come for the Protests -- Stay for the Coffee!
Where even the Tear Gas is environmentally friendly.
With Gates, all things are possible.
Badgers?! We don't need no stinkin' badgers.
Cutting the Cheese Since 1848
You're Among Cows.
Ready to Screw Up 40 Years of Flag Symmetry
Dumb Guys Think We're a State!
We want statehood! No, we don't! Yes, we do!
Ever-tolerant of those xenophobic bastards in the Northern Hemisphere
It's only a matter of time.