Strange Singapore Zoo Story
A real "hands on" experience
Or, maybe it's "hands off"...
"When I was at college, I never thought I'd end up affording an
orangutan personal relief by hand every morning," Mr. Binatang
told reporters as they followed him on his daily rounds at the
Singapore Zoological Gardens. "And Ah Meng is the worst. He
expects to be kissed on the neck first."
In between visits to the various cages, the curator of the zoo's
sperm bank explained how he conducts his unusual profession.
"We start so early in the morning because a lot of the animals
have a 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's easier to
collect the sperm then. Each animal is different. The polar
bears finish rather quickly, because they're not used to my warm
hands on their cold organs. The chimpanzees always want to be
hugged afterwards. The elephant is the most 'teruk' of all,
because of the sheer size of its thing. Sometimes I have to use
both my arms to tug on it. I feel like the bell ringer in a
cathedral, like that Quasimodo or something, except it all ends
in a snow scene."
After rubbing massage oil onto his rubber gloves, Binatang
briefly disappeared into the orangutan enclosure, where the
resident was lying expectantly on his back, sporting a huge
erection. When he emerged, he confessed that "as you might
expect, this job is really ruining my sex life. I can't help it.
These ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."
Lai Jee Seow of Wildlife Reserves Singapore also acknowledged
that changes needed to be made to the zoo's semen collection
procedures. "It's because the animals have gotten too used to
Binatang coming over every morning to help them. Many of them
now can't be bothered to engage in real sex."
Source: The Straits Times