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Twas the Night Before an "Ebonics" Christmas

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE AN EBONICS CHRISTMAS

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus;
and all ower da hood;
ereybody wuz' sleepin'
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings;
an hoped like de' heck;
that ole Santa Clause;
Be bringin' our check.

All o'de fambily;
wuz laying in de beds;
While Ripple and Thunderbird;
Danced through dey heads.

passed out onna' flo;
right nex to my maw;
When I heard sech a fuss;
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars;
what covered my doe;
'specting de sheriff;
Wif a warrant fo sho!!

And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!!
Ther' wuz a huge watta mellon;
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years;
Sanna Clause, he be white;
But looks liken us bros;
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car;
My home boy he came;
He shupped on dem warf rats;
An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on Lonzo;
and on Willie Lee;
On Saphire, on Chenequa;
Dey wuz a site to see!!

And he landed dat watta' mellon;
Out der in da skreet;
I knowed it was fo' sho',
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didnt go down no chimbley;
He picked da' lock on my doe;
An' I sez to myself,
"Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!"

He had dis big bag
full of prezents I x'spect;
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold;
To wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents;
just started stealing my shit;
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!!

Wit my stuff in de bag;
Out da windo he flewed;
I woulda' tried to catched him,
But he stoled my 'nife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda' mellon
an' whipped out a switch;
He wuz gone in a seccon',
Dat son of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin';
Anutha Sanna we git,
Cuz' diz Sanna clause
Just aint werf a shit!!!

Versions II

Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
and we all had smiles up on our grill

Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live
and moms in her do-rag and me with my nine
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine

All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's--
well anyway

I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin just mind yo' bidness
I said, for real doe, come check dis out
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt

Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat
I said, Yo red Dawg, you all that!

He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!
To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"

He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!

But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.

he slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat
and busted the window with a b-ball bat
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You best get on up out my face!"

His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.

A wink of his eye and a shine off his god toof
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome
To tap that booty waitin at home

and all I heard as he cruised outta sight
was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"

A Washington DC Christmas

A DC Christmas!

T'was the night before christmas and all through DC,
not a creature was stirring except Marion B.

The streets were abandoned, while drug dealers slept,
but the mayor in his limo, through northwest he crept.

A silver spoon was hung from his neck with great care,
in hopes that Charles Lewis soon would be there.

When, all at once there arose such a clatter,
he halted his limo to see what was the matter.

And what, to his wondering eyes should appear,
but a pile of white powder, a mountain of cheer.

He jumped from the limo, lickety split.
Five minutes later the mayor was lit.

He snorted and shoveled that coke up his nose.
His eyes were all bloodshot and glowed like a rose.

Back to the limo he ran like a flash.
Now that that's gone let's go home to my stash.

I heard him exclaim with no hint of strife,
I'll snort if I like, I'm mayor for life.
 






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