God is a Republican - Santa a Democrat
I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.
Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.
Santa A Democrat huh?
Santa works one day a year.
Santa confines small unpaid Polar American servants to do his biding and tells them he is helping them.
Santa takes advantage of a rare species of draft animal to pull his load and allow those animals free reign on your property.
Santa wants small children to sit on his lap.
Santa makes promises to children he knows have little chance of being kept.
Santa sneaks into peoples houses and slinks into the children's rooms.
Santa claims that all the gifts under the tree each year are from him.
Maybe he is a Democrat.
Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Season's Greetings!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.
Republicans do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.
So do Democrats, but they don't admit it.
Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.
Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* people's lights.
Republicans always take the price tags off expensive gifts before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them to make sure they are seen.
Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play"Cowboys and Indians."
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians win.
Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Republican men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals.
On this, Democrats are in full agreement.