- Southern Expressions you Need to Know
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"Ahm a-fixin ta do that"
"He was a-shakin' like a hound sh*tin' peas!"
"Well, knock me down and call me 'Shorty'!"
"I'm onto you like a chicken on a June bug"
“It must be suppertime...the hogs are squealing”
“Walkin' in tall cotton”
"Strip my gears an' call me shiftless!"
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
“I'll kick your butt so hard you'll taste shoe leather for a week”
“I'm gonna put knots on yor head faster than you can rub them”
"I'll kick yer butt so hard, you'll have two sets of shoulders
"I'll hit you so hard you'll burp the first milk you drank as a baby!"
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."
"She looked like a flowering peach in full bloom right after the morning dew fell on it!"
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
It was hotter than two Julys in an August"
"It's hotter'n a Fort Worth whore on dollar night!"
"It'z hotter than hammered hell"
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his a*s was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor."
"He was as mean as Stonewall Jackson surrounded by yankees!"
"I feel like I was et by a coyote and sh** over a cliff."
“dumber than a barrel of hair”
“She's possum ugly.”
“My boss rides me like a sway back mule”
"Cold as a well-diggers shovel"
"She could pull a vacuum on an onion sack!"
"His brain rolls around in his head like a mustard seed in a five gallon bucket"
"Every old crow thinks hers are the blackest."
“He's busier than a cat with 2 tails."
"He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees"
"I tell ya I feel like a one-legged cat trying to bury turds on a frozen pond."
"That girl was so skinny she had to dance around in the shower to get wet."
"It's so dry I got bull frogs in my back yard that are six months old and ain't learned how to swim yet."
"he acts hornier than a two pecker'd billy goat on a hill full of ninnies"
"It's so dry I caught a mess of catfish that had ticks on 'em."
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
Such as, "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart." "She was so ugly she could make a freight train take a dirt road"
“He don't know sheep $h_t from burnt motor oil”
“He's dumber in the head than a dog is in the ass”
“She looked like she was beat about the head and shoulders with a gunny sack full of a-holes!"
"He's gotta whole head full of simple."
"You've heard o' people that don't know nuthin'. Well he don't SUSPECT nuthin'!"
"The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it"
“dumber than a barrel of hair”
"Crazier 'n a cross eyed midget"
"Ugly enough to knock buzzards off a gut wagon"
"Cuter 'n a spotted pup in a red wagon"
"Dumber 'n a sack of wet mice"
"I'll beat ya like I gave birth to ya"
"Happier 'n a puppy with two peters"