OUR children will never wind up costing us hundreds of thousands of dollars for college and graduate school because they already know more than we do. My Golden told me so last night.
OUR children look resplendent in fur coats, so that's what they wear. They DO like to shop for toys, but those are G-rated.
OUR female children will never bring home an "omigod he's so hot" pizza delivery boy. They can sign for the pizza, however.
OUR children don't dress like they do lap dances, but they do perform such acts. Thank God.
OUR children love to be seen with us and like to eat the food we give them. They don't talk much on the phone, but they eat it once in a while.
OUR children are neat AND clean. They pick up everything and take warm baths when we say so. They are easily entertained, especially by Animal Planet, and love to entertain US.
OUR children even have a great retirement plan - their 401(K-9). It provides them with medical care, unlimited kibbles and treats, their own special places to live here at the mansion, and allows them to travel wherever we go.
OUR children will never have a drug or alcohol problem, although all three DO have "Licker Licenses."