Dr. Seuss were a woman....
I'm glad I'm a woman - yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, beer, nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.
I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see - I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman; so glad I could sing-
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, or cover my back.
And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.
I'm a woman, alas - and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have boobs and I squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks -
I'll never join the "Hair Club" or think with my dick.
I'm a woman, by chance and thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman; not a man, yes I am!