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- Halloween One Liners !

How does the witch know what time it is?
She looks at her witch-watch!


What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to!

How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels!


What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed!


Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?
NO, they eat the fingers separately!


What's the part of a restaurant where vampires don't suck blood?
The non-Suckers section!


What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi!


What kind of ship does Dracula own?
Blood vessel!


Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
Because demons are a ghosts best friend!


Where do ghosts go on vacation?
The Eerie canal!


Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!


Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
He's a pain in the neck!


Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office!


What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
The roller ghoster


What do you get if you cross sleeping beauty & Dracula?
Iron poor blood!


What's a ghosts favorite fruit?
Booberries!


How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!


When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone!


Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with!



What kind of fruit does dracula like?
Neckterines!


What kind of shoes do baby ghosts wear?
Boo-ties!


How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into..


What did one vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
Let's stop in for a cool one!


Why does Arkansas no longer have Halloween or Thanksgiving?
Because the witch took the turkey to Washington!


How can u tell if a vampire has a cold?
By his 'coffin'!


How can you tell if the Boogy Man is in your house?
All your tissues are gone!


Why can't mummies go on vacation?
Because they're afraid they'll relax and unwind!


Why shouldn't you try to goose a ghost?
Because all you get is a handful of sheet!


What goes "Ha-ha-ha-ha!", thud?
A monster laughing it's head off!


Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts!


Why couldn't the mummy answer the phone?
Because he was all wrapped up!


How do vampires invite each other out for lunch?
Do you want to go for a bite?


Why did the witches cancel their baseball game?
Because they ran out of bats!


What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian?
See you next month!


Why didn't the Jack-O-Lantern go to the dance?
He wasn't lit and didn't have a match!


What do you call a man who lures women into his place and turns them into ghastly freaks?
A hairdresser!


Why can't witches have babies?
Because their husbands have "Hollow-Weenies"!


What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appetit!


What’s the difference between a mummy and an Indian?
An Indian lives in a teepee, and a mummy lives in T.P.!


What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
Both have blank expressions and are hollow inside!


Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
He was cought drinking on the job!


Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them!


Why are vampires Democrats?
They want Gore in 2000!


What kind of clothes do zombies wear?
Decay NY!

Why aren’t there more famous skeletons?
They’re a bunch of no bodies!


What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap!


What do you call a guy turned on by a witch?
Scared stiff!


What do you call a gay guy turned on by a witch?
Scared straight!


What is Dracula's blood type?
The same as his lunch!


Did you hear about the Grim Reaper's new job?
CEO of FIRESTONE!


How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
He draws your blood with a straw!


How do you rid a Ghost from your house?
Ask him to split the rent!


How do you piss off a vampire?
Go to his house and install a skylight!


Why did Dracula move to England?
'Cause he bloody felt like it!


What is Bill Clinton going as for Halloween?
A 6ft Cuban Cigar!


What is a vampire's pet peeve?
A Tourniquet!
 






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